What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I cannot find my penis.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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