apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
