One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
