There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
