Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
