Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
