my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
