Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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