Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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