I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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