I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
being pregnant is like rehab
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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