Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
