So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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