I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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