btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
