I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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