i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
