GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
