Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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