I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
