Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
