did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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