She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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