Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
