What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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