Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
