like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
