Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You're like the curious george of whores
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
