I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
