Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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