I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
