and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
