eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
