JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
