He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why do cheetos always look like penises
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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