oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
