he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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