I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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