my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
