I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
PANTIES FOUND
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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