is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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