YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
