Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
