I cockslap morals
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Are my feet made of real feet?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
