I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
