btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
