Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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