2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
