my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
