i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
