she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
