I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
