it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
