apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
