i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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