So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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