wanna go halves on a baby?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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