its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
