Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
