Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
