you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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