He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
