Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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