Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
