I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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