ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you never un-have a 4some
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
