no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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