'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
