When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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