smell my finger.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
