just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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