It's Friday. Sex?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
