Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
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i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
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And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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