OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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