If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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