You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
