please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
